Sunday, 28 October 2012

5 Ways to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

(Guest Post by Ryan Rivera)



5 Ways to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

It’s hard to lose someone dear to you especially when you did not expect it to happen. But what can we know? None of us can really easily suppose or think of the possibility of someone we love dying. That’s why when their time comes, it’s really hard for those who were left to get over it and move on. Although the pain engraved by such a depressing and traumatic event may be forgotten in a few years or so, here are ways to help people slowly relieve their scars in a shorter time.


Calmly undergo the grief cycle
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist established this cycle about grieving.  It is believed that any people undergoing these traumatic events are filled with anxiety and depression that without careful consideration might develop serious illness. So it is important to calm down and believe in the comforting promise of this cycle where acceptance is believed to be achieved by all. Don’t be afraid to go through this cycle and don’t be scared to take the steps of recovering as you slowly erase the pain of losing someone from your heart.

Find comfort from those who are around you
Friends and families who are always with you in times of depression and troubles can help you pour out the pain you feel inside. You can spoil yourself through them; telling or asking them of whatever you need as you genuinely depend on them in your grievance period. Don’t avoid their sincere offers and suffer all alone. After all anything or anyone that’s about to crumble down needs support to hold on to. You may ask for some time alone.  However, you must avoid seclusion as much as possible.  Living a solitary life will only make it harder for you to move on after such loss.

Have a peaceful and positive perception
In painful times, your mind will take on all negative accounts of life making it harder for you to cope up. So counteract this state by forcing yourself to have a positive outlook. Always remember that nothing goes in stay in this material world.  We all live only once, so we must not waste our time entertaining those negative outlooks in life. One effective way is by joining yoga sessions that helps a lot in refreshing your mind. You may also indulge in other meditational exercises as these will help you get rid of negative thoughts and become more focused on what really matters in life.

Don’t forget how to live
During these times, you have to take care of yourself all the more. Engage in activities that you find comfort and entertainment so you can calm down. Treat yourself to reasonable leisure and maintain your health by eating and sleeping regularly. This may seem unfair to ask of you while you’re mourning but it’s important and necessary so you won’t risk your own life. Taking care of your overall health is definitely part of coping with grief and loss. Just because your loved one has died does not mean you should take your life for granted. Although you may never be able to live your life the way it was when you still haven’t lost your loved one but, there are many ways on how you can improve and keep it going no matter how tough life is going to be.

Let your faith guide you
Remember the teachings and the wisdom you hear in your religion. Seek comfort in His divine promises and all that He can do for you. Believe in Him and know that everything happens for a reason and that everything happened for the benefit of those who love Him. If you’re a nonbeliever, we’re not imposing on you about this but if you really feel crushed right now and you’re stuck in an unexplainable circumstance, there is no harm in trying to call out for Him. No one will judge you and no one knows but Him so feel free to do so.
Finally, to all those who are mourning, remember that it isn’t necessary to forget and let go of the person you lost so you can recover but what you have to forget and release is the pain of his or her death.

About the Author:
Ryan Rivera used to suffer from the symptoms of anxiety attacks for seven years.  He now advocates healthy living as the best weapon against anxiety and depression.  You can read more of his articles at Calm Clinic.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Letters to my Daughters by Avery Washington


Letters to my Daughters by Avery Washington

A beautiful relationship of love from their father here on earth combined with the love from our Heavenly Father God, Avery shares his love and support for his daughters as their father, showing how instrumental the love of not only their father here on earth is, but also accepting the love of our Father God. This book is full of poetic affirmations of love and inspirational quotes which will give daughters of all ages' strength, encouragement and inspiration which will give them good mental health to become strong women in the future. Letters to my Daughters

This is a beautiful book that every father with daughters should read. It is like a breath of fresh air. Easy to read and inspiring, this book offers so much to think about. I think a lot of fathers forget how big a role they play in the lives of their daughters. Great book.

My Latest Booklet Published - Grief Observed: Understanding Grief Through Movies


Grief Observed - Understanding Grief Through Movies

My latest book (or booklet) has just been published on Amazon. It offers a interesting way of dealing with grief and mourning. We usually watch movies to relax, but movies offer more than simple relaxation. Movies have the power to inspire us and to help us understand more about ourselves and our emotions. Sometimes, life is difficult and painful. Even though some of us are blessed to live lives filled with joy and gratitude, we know at some point we will have to experience pain and loss.

Unfortunately, I believe that we do not understand grief today and that observing grief in movies can be a great help. This little booklet will introduce you to some great movies to help you better understand and express your pain and grief. It is a short booklet, therefore cheap also, and it only introduces the concept of watching movies to understand grief. There is hundreds of movies today that can help you understand the universal problem of pain when losing a loved one. Check it out now.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Why write a book on grief?


Losing a loved one is perhaps, the most painful incident anyone can ever experience. People who lost someone close to them know that it is almost impossible to describe the pain and emotions. And perhaps that makes it even worse: people want to help you, but you cannot tell them exactly how you feel or why. Grief is not something that simply disappears with time. The idea that time heals all pain is not always true. Sometimes the pain of losing someone you love stay with you for life. For some the pain become so intense that they consider suicide, and unfortunately some do commit suicide.

Grief and loss is one of the least understood experiences in human life. As a society, we ignore the reality of death, and when death do strike, we try to remove all signs as soon as possible. The bereaved is “guided” to accept the reality of loss as soon as possible so they can “continue” with their lives. In the beginning, people swarm the grieving family, only to “disappear” within a few weeks, leaving the family feeling lost and alone in their pain.

I have written my book, From Grief to Peace - Mourning Your Loss. The Healthy Way, from my experience working with people struggling with grief. I have seen many people question their own sanity while experiencing normal grief symptoms. For them the impact of pain was so harsh, that they wondered if there was something wrong with them. The relief people experience when realizing there is nothing wrong with them forced me to write a simple book on grief. This book was not written to break new ground in the study of grief and loss. It is not suppose to be an in-depth look at grief, but rather a short introduction for a better understanding of grief, bereavement and mourning.

The book is unpolished (English is not even my first language) and I am not a writer, as a critic clearly stated in one review. However,  the book is an honest discussion of the realities I see too often in my daily work. Despite the flaws, the book will offer value to anyone who reads it. Even people who are not experiencing grief will find value in the book.

I am busy completing my second book on grief and I hope that this book will also offer those struggling to understand the reality of their pain, some comfort. Please keep checking this space for more information in the near future.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

My Next Book Is Almost Ready To Be Published On Amazon

Great News! My newest book is almost ready to be published on Amazon. If everything goes according to plan within the next 2-3 days. Like my previous book, this book focus on grief. I see lots of people in my daily routine who really struggle with the painful reality of death and loss.  People do not know how to grieve. We tend to ignore the reality of death, grief and mourning since no one like to talk or think about this subject. When death suddenly takes a loved one, we are at a loss.

This reality is the driving force behind the books I write. I want to help more people to be better prepared for the inevitable reality of grief and mourning. Understanding what grief is and how it differs from mourning, that the different stages of grief is and how to cope is important.  So keep checking this page for more information.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

Read Kindle Books On Your PC, Android, Blackberry Or iPhone


Brilliant piece of software for people who do not have a Kindle.  A year or so ago I learned about the "Kindle for PC" software. I downloaded it and I am so glad I did. I have read countless Kindle e-books on my PC, and even on my Android Smartphone. Kindle has a version for Android, iPhone, Blackberry and Windows 7 phones. This is even better as I always have my phone with me.

The software offers you the advantage of syncing between your different devices. If you read your book on your PC this morning, you can sync it with your other devices and continue reading the afternoon on your phone. With so many Kindle books being offered for free the amount of reading material available is huge. 


You can even read my book From Grief to Peace - Mourning your Loss. The Healthy Way to Survive the Death of a Loved One on your PC or phone wherever you are. 

The best thing about this software? It is FREE.

If you have never experienced Kindle Books before, get this software now. Click Here


Get My Book Now For A Big Discount - Only $0.99

Limited Time Offer!

Get "From Grief To Peace" For Only 99 cents.


Get From Grief To Peace For Only 99 cents
I am offering my e-book, "From Grief To Peace - Mourning Your Loss" at a price of 99c for a limited time. Why would I do this? I was asked to do this. I received a few emails asking me to offer drop the price. It appears as if Amazon adds $2 to all Kindle Books in certain countries, making the book expensive. I decided to comply and lower the price. For readers in certain countries the book will still cost $2.99, but it is cheaper. I offer this price only for a very limited time. So be quick if you want it! 

Even if you do not need it now, get it, because the reality of life is that, at some point, everyone loses someone they love.

My book wants to help you improve your understanding of  the reality of grief. Most of us are ill-prepared for the impact of the loss of a loved one. We do not know how to grieve. Modern society adds to the problem when expecting mourners to cope and move on with their lives as soon as possible. Unfortunately, for people in mourning this creates problems later. Almost all of us know about the Stages of Grief and we think that we simply have to move from one stage to the other to complete our grief and mourning process. It is not that simple. Grief is more like a roller coaster.

Therefore my book focus on the basics of grief. I try to answer the question "What is Grief?" as simply as possible. My book does not offer new insights on grief, but rather try to help you understand the basics of grief. I use the word GRIEF as an acronym to explain grief and guide you to heal properly. Grieving takes time, but if you understand what it does and why it makes you feel the way you do, you are better prepared to survive the loss of a loved one.

Here are some recent reviews of my book:

Jeffrey H. - This Guide Will Help
 If you have lost a loved one and are trying to cope with their lose this book can help. This book will guide you through the grieving process and help you get your life back on the right track. It has easy to follow instructions and is full of helpful info and It is written in a way that is simple and to the point that really gets you into the right state of mind. I seriously recommend checking out this book if you are grieving for the loss of someone you love, it will help you.
 Pam S - No nonsense advice for post-loss paralysis
This book is a practical distillation of much needed grief counseling for the early days and weeks after the loss of a loved one. Humane and sensible, it's the right advice.       
 Mohan, - Practical, sometimes theoretical advice
I commend the author for picking death and grief which can be a difficult topic to research and write about. The narrative is a bit theoretical although the author adds some practical tips while describing the five steps of grief - Remembering, Introspection, Externalization and Moving Forward. Five stars for research and narrative. Four stars overall.
 Ms. Eden  - Coping with grief
I feel that no matter how well you think you've prepared yourself, it's never easy dealing with death and the loss of a loved one. The grieving and healing process is such a truly individual journey and as such is always unique. That being said, this wonderful book offers insight into the process of coping with grief and loss in ways I hadn't considered. I especially like the way the author turned the word "grief" into an acronym that spells out the steps to healing and serenity. Whether you've recently lost a loved one, or know that you're going to soon, this well-written volume offers good, practical advice, that is both heart-felt and touching.

Friday, 12 October 2012

Grieving - Surviving the Sudden and Untimely Death of a Loved One

Surviving the sudden and untimely death of a loved one may be the most difficult thing family members may ever have to face. Grief is sudden, overwhelming, suffocating, and crushes the heart and soul of those who remain behind, leaving them with questions of “why” and how it could and perhaps should have been avoided. If the death was violent or negligent, these feelings are compounded leaving the family in emotional disarray.
Gone are the dreams shared with that person, or the hopes envisioned for that child. People tend to replay missed opportunities to love as they dwell over childish fights that occurred, and ruminate on the everyday reality of taking that loved one for granted. It begins a cascade of brokenness that if untreated, can lead to illnesses, dysfunction, and abuse among the surviving members.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is not uncommon, especially among the parents of young children who die prematurely as a result of an accident. Losing a spouse is no less traumatizing. Feelings of guilt, shame, anger, or self-loathing may lead to suicide, alcoholism,drug abuse or isolation.
Because sudden death of those under the age of 50 are uncommon, most family members feel unique and alone, not understanding how to cope or get the help they need to regain control of their emotions and physical well-being to see that they can expect a productive, fulfilling, and happy future.
There is hope for those who have lost a loved one suddenly and untimely. Allowing yourself the opportunity to grieve properly is important so also is how you align yourself with professionals, as well as family and friends, including legal representation, who will support you through the painful process of recovery and help you regain control of your life. Though your loved one is gone, your life does not have to end, and you do not have to be a slave to grief and sorrow.

The Stages of Grieving

With the sudden loss of a loved one, a friend, or a figure that you may not have known personally but loved and respected, like a civic leader or a prominent athlete, grieving will and must be a part of the process toward healing. Resolving all the competing, yet seemingly disparate emotions is important so that a sound mind may be regained, and you can go on living and loving.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross codified the stages of grieving in her book “The 5 Stages of Grieving.” While a simple Internet search will reveal a variety of number of stages for grieving, most simply follow her model, which we will briefly outline here.
1)      Denial – Sudden shock at the news of a loved one’s sudden death is so intense that denial of the event occurred is prominent. It can be both a conscious and unconscious denial that the death even occurred, and is considered a temporary defense mechanism employed by the brain. Some people are incapable or unwilling to leave this stage, believing that if they deny this reality that somehow the individual will walk through their door.
2)      Anger – Once denial has been broken down, the next stage is anger. Anger finds its manifestation in words and phrases like “why me?” “It’s not fair!” and a desire to know who is to blame for the loved one’s death. Anger can be turned inward so that the surviving member can take responsibility for the death – “If only I had been there!” Those in this stage of rage can often be difficult to console and reason with, and may be a challenge to live and communicate with.
3)      Bargaining – We tend to bargain with God, another person, or even ourselves in this stage. We realize that our anger is eating us up, so we try a different tactic by negotiating a way out of our grief. Making deals to either bring someone back, or, to retain a part of the past in an ever-present way, or to buy additional years of our own lives, occurs at this stage.
4)      Depression – It is during this stage that accepting the death begins. Depression sets in, and with it, hopelessness and a loss of reason for living and going on. Disconnection with others is common, and darkness comes over the soul of the individual as they realize that their loved one is not coming back. Sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty are natural feelings at this stage. These are actually good signs, though they may not seem so to those caring for the grieving person.
5)      Acceptance – In this final stage of grieving, the individual begins accepting the event by coming to terms with the fact that their loved one will not be returning. Once they enter this stage, they gain clarity, and are able to start putting the pieces of their lives back together, and begin moving toward a healthier lifestyle and rejoin the rest of the world.

When Sudden Death Occurs

Losing an elderly parent does not diminish the pain and grief that you may feel and experience. However, losing a loved one unexpectedly, whether it is a spouse or child, is often a greater shock and doubly more difficult to deal with. You must go through the stages of grieving. You must also, however, investigate whether or not the death could have been avoided, and if there was negligence from another individual or entity.

A Wrongful Death Attorney

The sound advice of legal counsel in helping put the pieces of the painful puzzle together will help bring about the clarity you need to make an informed decision about how to pursue a legal remedy. It is not uncommon for the wisdom and objectivity of a personal injury lawyer to actually help the grieving person or family move through some of the stages. Wrongful death is commonly defined as death caused by another person’s negligent actions.
Jack Leader, a personal injury attorney in Rock Hill, South Carolina with Elrod Pope Law Firm, says that the following are the most prevalent wrongful death types of cases:
  • Car Accidents
  • Truck Accidents
  • Bicycle or Pedestrian Accidents
  • Motorcycle Accidents
  • Medical Malpractice
  • Defective Products
  • Workplace Accidents
  • Medication Errors
It is estimated that around 200,000 wrongful deaths occur each year in the United States. If you believe your loved one has died as a result of another’s negligence, a wrongful death attorney can pursue your case and get the justice your loved one deserves.
Most states allow only blood relatives, or certain individuals through marriage, to pursue wrongful death lawsuits. When a family member, common-law partner, guardian or caregiver dies, the surviving individual suffers a grievous and tangible loss. In that respect, wrongful death statutes protect the families of those individuals.
Each state sets their own limits of what can be awarded. Generally, the court attempts to award a restitution amount for the loss of the individual. This can, of course, include medical bills and funeral expenses. It also attempts to cover the loss of income the person would have provided if he or she had lived. Punitive damages could be awarded, as well.

Closing

Grieving is necessary and will occur whether one presses through the stages of grieving or not. However, it is unwise to magnify and elongate the suffering by not seeking help through the process from family, friends, a licensed counselor and, even, an attorney. Working through these emotional stages will help stabilize your being, and bring about renewed hope for your future. Finally, hiring a wrongful death attorney should be a part of the process as well. They can help you recover lost wages, medical expenses, and more, while helping bring about part of the legal closure you will need in your healing process.

Revenflo Charlotte: A team of writers dedicated to making the internet a better place

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

New Cover For My Book - From Grief to Peace

I changed the cover of my e-book - From Grief to Peace - Mourning Your Loss: The Healthy Way to Survive the Death of a Loved One.  I hope it is an improvement on the previous cover.My book received some mixed, but largely positive reviews. We found some typing errors that will be corrected as soon as possible.

The book is written for people who are not prepared for the reality of grief. It is not a book that breaks new ground in the study of grief or bereavement. It probably offers very little new on the subject. The book is however borne out of my many years experience with people experiencing grief. Mostly people struggle to cope with grief because they have no idea what it is. Getting a better understanding of grief helps to better cope with the pain.

For this reason the book is short and to the point. It's main purpose is to simply and easily help people come to terms with grief. As one reviewer stated:

I feel that no matter how well you think you've prepared yourself, it's never easy dealing with death and the loss of a loved one. The grieving and healing process is such a truly individual journey and as such is always unique. That being said, this wonderful book offers insight into the process of coping with grief and loss in ways I hadn't considered. I especially like the way the author turned the word "grief" into an acronym that spells out the steps to healing and serenity. Whether you've recently lost a loved one, or know that you're going to soon, this well-written volume offers good, practical advice, that is both heart-felt and touching.


Thursday, 4 October 2012

Thank you for downloading my book: From Grief to Peace - Mourning Your Loss: The Healthy Way to Survive the Death of a Loved One.

I would like to thank all who downloaded my latest book, From Grief to Peace - Mourning Your Loss: The Healthy Way to Survive the Death of a Loved One, during the free promotion. Over 500 people downloaded the book. I hope it helps some of you in coping with the loss of a loved one. To those who found some typing errors, thank you very much for bringing them under my attention. I will fix them and update the book as soon as possible. If any of you found typing errors, please let my know.

I am currently busy completing my next book to be published in the next month or two. Please hold thumbs that I finish it in time. The theme is also about grief and bereavement. It is absolutely shocking to see how many people struggle with the loss of a loved one on a daily basis. Death is a daily part of our lives, but we are so ill-equipped to handle it. The pain and the hurt that death causes in the lives of people is hard to explain.

I truly hope that my books offer some support to people in need.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Did you just hear a loved one is dying?


Death is the great unknown. The world’s religions all address the issue of death in different ways. Even with these perspectives and help, we quickly realize that we fear the reality of death. When a loved one is diagnosed with an incurable disease, we are confronted with many unknowns. What is my loved one experiencing? How will my life be without him or her? Is he or she ready to die? Questions swarm our minds and we suddenly feel helpless, and that is frightening for anyone.

This can create strange behavior. A calm person can suddenly rage against the doctors and their diagnosis. A strong person who is usually the strong one can suddenly become pathetic. The sudden realization of the reality of death has the ability to shake us to the core. Strange emotional reactions are normal and even common. Uncharacteristic behavior is not only limited to the one diagnosed with the news of impending death. The close family and friends can also experience great shock and confusion. The most difficult part of handling these uncharacteristic behaviors is that they affect our relationships in time of stress.

Normal family relationships can become strained and tense. Deflecting emotions we do not know how to handle unto other people is a normal human response.
These emotional responses are part of the process known as anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is the same as normal grief, the hard part is that the person we are grieving is still alive. We usually do not think we are grieving yet, and this makes the emotional experience we have more confusing. Understanding that the grieving process can start for both the person who is sick as well as the close family and friends will help in handling this process. Explaining the reality of anticipatory grief, and the impact it has on people will also help smooth over strained relationships after emotional outbursts. It is important to realize and remind ourselves that grieving places us on an emotional roller coaster and we should be extra compassionate and forgiving with each other, especially when still coping with the shock.

The depth of the emotional impact will depend on how close we are to the person. The closer we are to the person the harder it will be to manage our emotions. This is normal and should be expected. The emotional impact of realizing that someone we love could die make it hard to discover what we are suppose to do. How should we act? What should we say?

What you should do will depend on the context and the person who is suffering the terminal illness. Sometimes humor can be a powerful way for a family and friends to cope with the grief. Other times making jokes can seem insensitive. The best is to try to take your cues from the person who is dying. If they are making a few jokes, laugh with them and join in. They need to laugh. But whatever you do, always be available and rather say less than more. Hold their hand and do not avoid eye contact. Some people’s worst fear is dying alone. Also try to see this period as a time grace. Although a sickbed can be a horrendous experience, it does offer the family and friends an opportunity to bond, reconnect and focus on creating new and lasting memories. The sad reality is that every person has to die some time and we have little control over how we die. Focus on the time you do have available with your beloved.

The shocking news that a loved one is about to die shake us to the core. We usually do not know how to handle this, but there is not a correct way. The best is to be there for the person, to be honest about your feelings and to understand the pressure can wreck havoc on the personal relationships. Be forgiving and understanding with one another.